The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

June 21, 2004

Etlay Exicomay Avehay Exastay

Bunch of nuttersIn my eyes, a highlight of my administration was blocking the annexation of Texas to our fine and spotless Union.

While of course ostensibly I refused the entrance of Texas to preserve the balance of free and slave states, I really did it because I realized that most Texans were complete handjobs.

I rather hoped everyone else would pick up on the substantial, yet diplomatically subtle hint I dropped by my NOT LETTING THEM INTO OUR COUNTRY, but alas no.

In 1845 they were admitted to the Union and we've had to put up with the horse wankers ever since.

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs.


Blogger Banjo Jones said...

Sam Houston would whup your butt.

7:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such wisdom, Banjo.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Houston was too good for Texas. Don't forget that they ran him out of office on a rail in '61 when he refused to renounce the Union.

3:18 PM  
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