The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

July 13, 2004

Does D Over B = M E?

You know what's awkward?

Meeting a friend of friend.

You'll just be hanging at the tavern having a few tankards of ale and your friend will be all like, "Hey MVB this is so and so, you guys should talk while I run to john or to buy some shots or whatever."

Bust out the Armonica Ben Franklin stizz
After about 5 seconds of "Hey how about Albany's Rounder's team?" or "Have you heard that new Armonica song is D minor -- it's totally boss", you realize the other guy is a complete ass.

What's so disturbing about this scenario is that by the transitive property of douche bags (a=c=db) your friend must also be a douche bag.

And if you are friends with the friend of a douche bag, does that in fact make you a douche bag by association?

For example, in 1827 I met Andrew Jackson's friend Lawrence Holmes (not the former heavy weight boxer, another Larry Holmes) at a card game. In 1805 Larry had convinced Old Hickory that this other guy was a prick and that Drew should duel with him.

Needless to say, the future President and my mentor was shot and nearly died (the other guy bit it, natch) and yet he still remained friends with Larry for the rest of his life, semi-oblivious to the fact he was an assface.

Being friends with DB's some say worst trend since un-retiring from blogging with super secret blogs.

The freaks come out at night (The freaks come out at night!)


Blogger Mike said...

Good times.

And don't you think it's a bit rich to expect a dead guy to post daily?

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course, one might argue that it takes an incredibly open-minded person to find something worthwhile in a douche bag. Or a needy schizophrenic.

6:58 PM  
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