The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

July 06, 2004

Down by the C-Side

The exploding kind, not the guys who did ChromeIf you've never had a hit record is really appropriate to release a collection of b-sides? You have no A sides, so how can you have B-sides? I call em like I see em, and I see an album of crap they didn't feel was good enough for the 'real album' but that they might be able to sell to suckers without actually having to do more work.

Let's just name it Less Than Good and call it a day.

Unsure what to do with those leftover Chinese Bangers, Fizigs, and Crackers from the Fourth of July?

I suggest putting some under the chair of an unsuspecting victim.

In 1831 I talked Henry Clay in to slipping a Catherine Wheel under John Quincy Adams who had fallen asleep in the House of Representatives once again. Old Man Eloquent was so overcome by a fit of terrors he nearly stroked out and Henry Clay lost most of his hearing, but in my mind it was more than worth it!

John Kerry has picked a running mate. While I support the ticket with the utmost vigor as is becoming a dead elder-statesman of my party, I do wish Senator Kerry had heeded my earlier remarks.

I did like this I did it like that, I did it with a whiffle ball bat.


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