The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

July 07, 2004

Forget About the Hemp for a Second

"Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere."

President George Washington

Washington's guide to OpiatesIt's a well know and established fact that many of the Southern Tobacco farmers also grew hemp. Madison, Monroe, Washington, and Jefferson all were accomplished "rope makers" if you catch my drift.

What's less well known is that the founding fathers didn't toke no funky ditchweed.


They were blowing up on the good stuff.

Even today, stop by Washington's old pad, Mt. Vernon and what do you think you'll find?

That's right, more red poppies than the Siam Merchant Marine.

Am I saying that Martha and George were totally hopped on H?

Of course not.

Am I saying they rolled A-Bombs and Buddahs and tripped balls up and down the Potomac?The actual weed teeth.

Yes, that's what I've heard.

Andrew Jackson even told me that Washington's teeth weren't really wooden, but actually woven from hemp and that he had considered breaking in to the National Archive to try and smoke Washington's teeth.

Of course he was blitzed off his A at the time.

When I rock, I rock alone, just me, myself and a microphone.


Blogger Banjo Jones said...

Yeah, but why in the hell did you attack the Fiji Islands? Was it that wife of yours, Hannah, who henpecked you into it?

12:21 AM  

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