The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

July 16, 2004

The People Demand an Answer!

A picture of my father's tavern by the local retard

People often ask me, "MVB you are so handsome and erudite, the very existence of one being with so much overwhelming machismo seems to bend the very fabric of a universe bound by the immutable laws of quantum mechanics... oh, wait... hold up...


That was some BS, Peabs made up about himself.


Here we go...


What people really often ask me is, "MVB how does one achieve an almost other worldly ability as a raconteur?"

Talking whore
It's quite simple really, my father you see was a small farmer, and a Tavern owner.  Every day after some solid physical labor and my academic studies, I would spend my evenings in the tavern of Kinderhook listening to travelers and men of local import wile away the hours discussing local business, the politics of the day, events of historical importance and world wide significance.  The very American experience, unique and unfettered by its European forbearers was gestating before my very eyes!


OH, and the whores.  Can't forget about the tavern whores!  Those sluts could talk the balls off bear in heat! 



If you want it, then you got it, if you want it baby you've got it. 
 



4 Comments:

Blogger Banjo Jones said...

Here, here, Marty.
Why, just the other day in a local watering hole, the origins of the Free Soil Party were under discussion when one of the local wags asserted that the political organization can be traced to a bordello interlude in which a lady of the evening declaimed that her favors would be dispensed free when the soil of the young republic was declared free. Thus, a political movement, albeit short-lived, was born.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Vice President Richard M. Johnson said...

I would point out it was primarily DUTCH being spoken in that one room sweatbox of ill-repute. I don't believe the great Andrew Jackson ever allowed himself to be exposed to any other form of speach except God's own English (well at least without punishing the offending parties with a dueling pistol to the "southern belles").
And I would futher add that that stories told in a forgien tongue often more sound like raccoonin' than raconteurin'. Aw delicious pun worthy of Frig. Obvivs!

10:46 AM  
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