The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

August 09, 2004

Buzzless in D.C.

When I was Secretary of State for President Andrew Jackson we would often start our morning meetings with the "Tennessee" version of a continental breakfast, various fried, sugary doughs and coffee so strong it'd make you "slap your grandpappy down".

keep your boys covered pleaseDuring one of these morning meetings Vice President John C. Calhoun and I became embroiled in a debate as to which of us had made the superior breakfast choice.

I of course was on the side of the light and crispy apple fritter on my plate and Calhoun, ever the douche bag, was attempting to defend some cakey piece of crap with sprinkles that he only selected because he was late to the meeting and didn't want the only other option, a day old half of a bran muffin.

The President stood silently through our argument merely gazing out into the rose garden seemingly unaware of our conversation.

Then after a moment of silence the President solemnly intoned, "So you two like doughnuts?"

He quickly spun around and said, "Then how you like deez nuts?" Then revealing the scrotum-in-chief.

As Damore often says, "no buzz."

I didn't even have to use my AK, I gotta say it was a good day.


Blogger mmw said...

Mr. President,
In the 20th century, we have had to say "douchebag" so frequently is is now just one word.

Here's a lil gangsta, short in size, A t-shirt and Levis is his only disguise.

5:58 PM  
Blogger President Martin Van Buren said...

Good point, spell check disagrees, I will have to take it out behind the woodshed and beat it, so this doesn't happen again.

11:23 AM  
Blogger somegirl said...

sounds like a speech we could've used at the DNC.

2:45 PM  
Blogger C. Frigglesworth said...

Huzzah! There is nothing quite like a handful of hickory nuts in the morning.

Well played, Old Hickory, well played.

10:15 AM  

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