The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

August 23, 2004

Science Marches On!

On the left, George Washington, on the right, the special addition George Washington with super day-glo cobalt skinResearchers at President Washington's home at Mount Vernon are trying to piece together every available fragment of information available on the father of our country's actual appearance. Data includes hair samples, his clothes, numerous written descriptions, and of course art work featuring his likeness.

So far all evidence points to the fact that HE LOOKED AN EFFIN' LOT LIKE GEORGE EFFIN' WASHINGTON!

They even considered exhuming his corpse to be able to build forensic models from his bones. Jeez Louise, how about instead of desecrating the tomb of a national hero you just look at a dollar bill? Hell, even better I'll give you four quarters for that dollar bill and you and three of your friends can get an idea of what he looked like.

I am so glad I had those daguerreotypes made of me. I just wanted everyone to remember how natty I looked in wool, the added bonus is that it keeps some grad student from fondling my remains.

Grab my 40-ounce and then I reminisce

About a brother who had to be the one and only

So I dedicate this to my dead homiez...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. President, glad to see that you have revealed beer in forty's form. What are your thoughts on the movie Hellboy? (assuming you have obviously viewed it)

-Ron Perlman

10:47 AM  
Blogger President Martin Van Buren said...

Ron, I've seen Hell Boy -- you were red and smoked and were very believable as a red smoker with a big hand.
Hell Boy was better than Nothing But Trouble, Howard the Duck and Ishtar. But then again it was no Short Circut.

JOHNNY 5 IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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