The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

August 25, 2004

Ten is more than none

Ten Nobel Prize winners in economics have endorsed John Kerry stating that President Bush's, "poorly designed" tax cuts that instead of creating jobs have turned budget surpluses into enormous budget deficits, a "fiscal irresponsibility threatens the long-term economic security and prosperity of our nation." In other news President Bush was endorsed by a group of NASCAR Dad's who all agree that Chick-Fil-A on Main and Kennedy might be a target for A-rab terrorists because of it's central location and importance to the local waffle fry distribution and consumption.

In other news, it has been pointed out that George Bush sr. wrote in his book, "A World Transformed," that a full-out invasion of Iraq would probably be difficult and come at great physical and human costs. "Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land. It would have been a dramatically different — and perhaps barren — outcome."

This is of course utterly ridiculous and incomprehensible. There is no way after 6 years on the market anyone actually read all the way to chapters 18 and 19 of this book. Even if you were only skimming, I defy you to read more than four pages without falling asleep.

La-di-da-di, we like to party

We don't cause trouble, we don't bother nobody


Blogger Dashiell said...

Sounds like someone is a little jealous. Maybe if you had invaded Antigua back in '38, you might have got that second term. Obvs.

3:43 PM  
Blogger President Martin Van Buren said...

If I had been able to convince the electorate that my economic reforms had really eviscerated the recession of 1837 I might have won, but then I was running against an Indian fighter who blinded the country with puffery and saber rattling.

To your second point. I am not jealous of Mr. Bush, not even of his ability to breath. Look to my career and you'll see a fair share of political wheeling and dealing but you'll also see a judicious use of federal power and a true attempt to make America better through thoughtful and considered decisions and yea, even compromise. Leadership is more than simply reacting to the winds of consequence. Decisiveness in the absence of thoughtfulness is closer to ignorance than executive virtuosity.
Bounce ta' dat

10:17 AM  
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