The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

November 02, 2004

Fear not, the people may be deluded for a moment, but cannot be corrupted.

You would have thought women would have liked him more since he's such as doucheThat's what President Jackson wrote me in 1838 during the absolute dregs of my tragedy filled presidency.


It's remarkable only in that in the entire time I served under the illustrious General Jackson, first as envoy to England, then as Secretary of State and finally as Vice-President the most eloquent thing I had ever heard him say was, "John Quincy Adams smells like dead-donkey-balls."


Which of course brings me to my point, Quincy Adams was the last half-retarded son of an ex-president to occupy the White House and he did in fact smell like the testicles of some species of burro in the various stages of decay.


Yet the flawed electoral college saw fit to install him as President in 1825. The American people of course righted that wrong in 1829, tossing out Adams by his Daddy's coat tails.


I implore the American people to similarly throw Mr. Bush out on his sorry, coked up ass.


By the way, I'd like to give a special shout out to all my fellow patriots from the five-boroughs who reached this site through our good friends at Gawker. I was quite proud to serve as a Senator, Governor and the first President from the great state of New York and I know my state will do me proud in helping elect John Kerry the next President of the United States today.


And to my boy Quique who sells bootleg DVDs off Canal street on the lower east side, keep the faith little brother, one day you gonna get yours!


Holla at ya' QUIQUE!


Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten
From the Battery to the top of Manhattan
Asian, Middle-Eastern and Latin
Black, White, New York you make it happen

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