The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

November 19, 2004

News you can't use

What? NO! WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


What no Estelle?

The idea of someone buying this DVD set just creeps me out. Some pervy guy putting Blanche on super slo-mo... [BARF]


Allow me to consult my hair before answeringMedia mogul Mel Karmazin has been named CEO of Sirius Satellite Radio.


Negotiations to hire Karmazin's Hair as CFO of Sirius are still on going. The top-mop-in-media gained an extra measure of fame last year through it's pioneering joint program with the World Wildlife Fund's and the Hairclub for Men, where it's not only the President, but also a member.


I'm gonna eat yer babyGreenspan's appetite for dollars to dwindle.


Said the FED Chairmen, "Chaney really turned me on to the flesh of infants, and since I got on that kick, I just lost my taste for dollars."


MVB says brumskiModel and TV personality Tyra Banks was in attendance at this week's violent outburst at the Vibe Awards.


"I thought about trying to break up the knife fight, but I was sort of scared about the knife hitting my boob. If that happened, the air rushing out would fly me around the room like Yosemite Sam in a Bugs Bunny cartoon."


My hip-hop drops on your head like ra-a-ain
And when it rains it pours, cause my rhymes hardcore
That's why I give you more of the raw
talent that I got will riz-ock the spot
MC's I'll be bur-r-rnin, bur-r-rnin hot

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay MVB...

It ain't lookin' so good my man. Tongues are wagging. Is he? Isn't he? Say it isn't so. Looks like it's so.

In recent days you've bragged about the beauty of your ass, you've posted pictures of a swarthy International Male underwear model and Jude Law, you've made catty remarks about a female model's breasts, and now this... you've gone and posted a full-color pic of the Golden Girl's corpses and a story about a beloved old drag queen.

MVB, I was content that the rap thing was just a phase for you, but now I'm alarmed. This isn't just protoeurotrashy gnatty metrosexuality. Its lookin' more and more like you're slippin' down the lavender slope. Pretty soon the only ladies you'll be on good terms with will be the plump ones whom no one else will dance with. Call up your friend Gary, steer clear of Davy Crockett, lay off the pirate shirts for a while, blog something about digging the Erie canal or pulling down poplar trees on the frontier with your bare hands. Oh, MVB, say it isn't so.

8:06 PM  
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