The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

November 05, 2004

What's a guy got to do to get a response around here?

If you've ever had a problem with a merchant of any sort, you may have noticed that a well written letter of dissatisfaction will often quell the source of your discontent.


Being no longer able to put quill to paper so to speak I was very pleased to find Planetfeedback.com. While I don't usually do plugs, this website makes it very easy to register one's satisfaction or dissatisfaction, even if said person is entombed in a electrophonic purgatory of unexplained origin.


The following is an example of a complaint I recently registered with the Chili's organization. I do have access to the broadcasts of moving pictures here and their requests for patronage are virtually incessant in that medium.


I only have resorted to posting my correspondence here, because I have inexplicably yet to receive a response.



SUCK IT CHILI'S!

October 18, 2004


TO:
Mary Jo Robbins, Customer Service
Chili's
6820 LBJ Freeway
Dallas, TX 75240

FROM:
Martin Van Buren
1013 Old Post Road
Kinderhook, NY 12106
(518) 758-9689
vanburenrcks@yahoo.com

RE: PLANETFEEDBACK REFERENCE NUMBER 2209378

Dear Mary Jo Robbins,

I'm writing to bring your attention to a problem I had with the experience at your restaurant. I'm sure you value your customers and want to keep them, so I hope you will take this complaint seriously and come up with a quick resolution.

What is the deal with your advertisements? After all these many long years is their a soul left on earth that does not know you offer baby back ribs for purchased consumption? I did not reform the federal banking system and save the Union from the panic of 1837 just so you could insistently blather on about baby's ribs.

My overall experiences with your company have been very unpleasant. I will never eat at your restaurant again. I will avoid recommending you to others.

Here's how I'm hoping you will fix the problem: Put your CEO on the talking picture tube and let him swear an oath that while air may permeate his lungs, another advertisement for baby back ribs will never grace the airwaves, printed page or electrophonic computer screens. Likewise the mistake will never be repeated with fajitas, macho nachos or anything that can be dipped in a spicy blue cheese sauce.

I appreciate your taking the time to read this. I hope you can help me with my problem. The sooner, the better.

Sincerely,
Martin Van Buren
8th President of the United States of America
vanburenrcks@yahoo.com

CC:
John Sweeney
Maurice Hinchey
Charles Schumer
Hillary Clinton


I'll make ya hot and spicy like some huevos rancheros
Then hit the Knicks game with my man Don Terros

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Yahoo Japan steps up mobile content distribution (Reuters via Yahoo! News)
Yahoo Japan Corp. said on Thursday it had launched a mobile content distribution service, in which cellphone users can buy games, ring tones, news and other entertainment and information from 59 content providers.


Microsoft, Yahoo to link instant messages (USATODAY.com via Yahoo! News)
Microsoft and Yahoo will make their instant-messaging programs work together, a partnership that could give the companies more power to compete against market leader America Online. The companies expect the service to start by June 2006.


Yahoo to Bar Minor-Adult Sex Chat Rooms (Washington Post)
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