The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

December 10, 2004

Big Boned My Presidential Ass

Some guys like em' thickRecently there has been some talk in various sources about "a return" to a standard of beauty from times gone by.

Proponents of this change in the preference of body type say that it is more "natural" and more realistic -- that the so called Oven Stuffers better represent "inner beauty."

They also better represent fat chicks.

The truth is back in my time, people weren't any more or less into fat chicks then they are now. And in fact, since people actually had to do shit for themselves, there were proportionally fewer fat chicks around.

Also, people missrepresent painted portraits from the pre-photography era. I'm sure a few painters were chubby chasers and just painted fat chicks cause they dug them, but most of the rest of the dudes were just crappy painters. They'd start trying to paint a skinny dame and when they'd eff it up, they'd just use more paint, until by the time they were finished, she looked as big as a barn.

Believe me if Paris Hilton walked into my father's tavern in Kinderhook, dudes would have been all over her skinny ass.

With that tight little frame, most guys in my time would have blown off a "zaftig" babe at the bar to hit on her and been able to pass off her "google" eye as simply the result of an unfortunate mule kick.

Only if she's 5'3"


Blogger H G Wells said...

Play Ball, good man! I concur!

Too many a sow passed for Lord's daughters in my day!

Wretched beasts!

However, I must admit, I prefer a little "junk in the trunk"

10:17 PM  
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