The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

December 16, 2004

Said Kobe, "I'm named after a steak!"

I should be MVP bitches

Reports are coming in that Kobe Bryant would like to apologize to Shaq for telling police investigators that Miami's star center often paid women up to a million dollars to keep quiet after raping them.

"I really think saying I'm sorry would make me feel good," said the Lakers All-Star. "I mean, not as good as forcing some little white girl to take it in the butt and getting away with it, but you know kind of warm and fuzzy sort of like when you get a BJ from a stripper and don't have to pay for it."

That'll be $2 millionSources close to Shaquille O'Neal have suggested that Kobe can "liq" a "diq."

This reminds me of when John Quincy Adams used the campaign slogan, "Andrew Jackson's mother is whore."

Years later, Quincy Adams asked to meet with General Jackson to apologize for the campaign getting so out of hand.

I met with him in the foyer of the White House and had the butler take his coat, hat and walking stick--the trap was set!

John C masta of the poo hat! I then proceeded to distract him with a story about how the President had been detained with some daft ambassador from Bavaria and would be unable to meet with him.

All the while Vice President John C. Calhoun was taking a dump in Quincy Adams hat!

The old poop hat trick never fails!

If today's Democrats were as studied as we were in the niceties of real politick, we wouldn't have another ‘tarded son of an ex-President in the White Houses.

Holy diver, i'm a survivor
Feeling like DeNiro in Taxi Driver
With Jodi Foster, and Harvey Keitel
Looks like I'm walking through a living Hell


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