The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

February 14, 2005

I hear that

Nice lady helps people.In a stunning achievement, researchers at the University of Michigan Medical School have reversed deafness in guinea pigs by inducing the formation of cochlear hair cells.

Reached for comment by telephone, Oscar winner Marlee Matlin said, "Will you stop calling on the phone, I can't hear what you are saying, I'm deaf, I can't hear at all, send me an email or use the TTY phones."

Matlin continued in her silly, slurred deaf lady voice, "you people are such assholes, calling deaf people on the phone to make fun of them, it isn't funny at all."

But it don't rain for four weeks some summers
And it's about to get real wild in the half


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