The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

February 02, 2005

Russel Simmons Def Animal Abuse Hotline

I don't really shop for furs, just fine Corinthian leather.The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty of Animals has recruited hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons to promote a new toll-free hotline for New Yorkers to report abuse of animals.

Reached for comment while fur shopping for his hot Asian wife, Simmon's noted, "there is nothing cool about being cruel to animals. They have no choice or voice."

Don't make a stink, it's just a mink... that's my fur slogan.Simmon's continued, "And if I have to explain to one more of you damn reporters that this isn't a hotline for the abuse of deaf animals, but a def animal abuse hotline, I will kill one of your children. That's how strongly I feel about def animal abuse."

Continuing to beat the proverbial dead horse Simmons noted, "Don't make me kill your children."

That's the way it is, so stay the hell back
We're causin hard times, for sucker MC's
Cause they don't make no songs like these


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