The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

March 22, 2005

Even his kid prefers Sanders.

Real Barry's don't do roids

Nikolai Bonds was shattered today after finding out his dad was Barry Bonds not Barry Sanders out side a hospital where his father had knee surgery.


"Barry Bonds? You mean the asshole who's going to take Hammering Hank's home run record?"


He continued, "The same guy who used to be as skinny as me and now has a neck like my thighs is my dad?"


"Holy shit, you are Barry Bonds. Why did you give me this jersey and have me talk to Wayne Fontz on the phone? Why did we visit OK State? Did you think I wouldn't find out? God you really are a roided up douchebag."


Roar roar like a dungeon dragon.

March 15, 2005

Other Wisdom I can appreciate

Opinions are like the external anal sphincter muscle. Every asshole's got one.


Abraham Lincoln, President, Martyr, Anatomy Buff

March 03, 2005

Where oh where has my little gum gone?

EDITORS NOTE: OH HE'S BACK, THANKS BE TO JEBUS

More like StereoGONE or Stereo-IFORGOTTOPAYMYANNUALURLFEE or StereoMYSERVERCRASHED.


Roebucks man, where you at?


Where will I get my shirtless pictures of Kevin Federline or links to streaming audio of un-ironically retro bands who are one keytar away from crossing over from Joy Division to the land of Kajagoogoo?


I'm aimlessly adrift on this oceanic deluge of digital information and without the brilliant beacon of Stereogum I might never again find the shore lined with the flotsam contents of Hillary Duffs purse or the jetsam cover Hilton sisters.


Just kidding -- but isn't it fun to pretend that blogs are important, useful or mildly entertaining?


I drink water 20 gallons a pop and I can throw a Volkswagen a whole half block (he can do it too)