The Wit & Wisdom of Martin VanBuren

Numerically, the 8th President. Objectively, the best ruler in the history of man.

April 22, 2005

Full Disclosure

It's come to my attention that outing anonymous bloggers is the flavor of the week -- "the new black" to borrow from one of the five approved blogging clichés -- obvs.


So I thought it prudent to come clean before some clever bloggarati (Jazzbot)or full-time blog sleuth, part-time barista came after MVB.


That's right, it's true, I, Gorilla am Martin VanBuren.


It's meIn fact, the real Martin VanBuren died in 1862 and as far as the historical record shows, never said, "dude, She-MARS."


I know what you are thinking, you're thinking, "didn't you pretty much let this pitiful excuse for a blog die on the vine months ago, why bother with full disclosure now?"


Right, but how do you know one of my ROOMATES didn't let this pitiful excuse for a blog die on the vine months ago?


"You mean your wife?"


Could be. Or what about my dogs? They're home all day, lots of free time, probably watching TV, they easily could have ordered an associates degree in blogging from ITT Tech or the University of Phoenix.


Listen to your dogs, they are very wise"So you are saying your dogs wrote MVB?"


Come now, lets not be ridiculous, dogs can't write blogs, they lack opposable thumbs.


They simply told me to write MVB... WITH THEIR MINDS!!


You know they are quite remarkable... not just my dogs, but dogs in general, like as a species. And so full of suggestions.


always talked aboutDogs, always talked about... wait, no, that's Strays.


But I digress.


I just thought I point out that most of the people I said mean things about were either dead, the President of the United States or celebrities, who as we all know, aren't really people anyway.


I for example would never make disparaging comments about an entire nation of people. For example, I like the Jews, but not at the expense of the Arabs, who also have many fine qualities. And Middle-Eastern food is great -- kudos to the both of you on that – shwarma, baba ganoush -- fun to eat, fun to say.


I mean sure, there was that one thing about killing Indians but that was a joke, so it doesn't really count against me.


"What about that one time you suggested a certain well known blogger had multiple vaginas?"


Uh, yeah, that was an sms message I sent when I stole the person in question's phone number, not a post and I'd like to point out that I nearly apologized for that.


So in closing and in summation, I am MVB and I am not sorry for writing funny jokes over the course of a few months -- but I think both of them were worth it.


When I say freeze you just freeze one time
When I say freeze y'all stop on a dime
FREEZE!

32 Comments:

Blogger Tommy said...

Man, this "James Stanford" thing has gotten everybody to come clean.

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I KNEW IT!

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Blogger GreyGuy said...

You're a gorilla? I thought you were a sea anemone. Hmmmmm ...

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Blogger Peabs, Emperor of the Universe said...

Dude. Shmears.

Forever Obvs ™.

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The mad man is back! Yeeahhh.

Insult whoever you want. Just stick around. It's cool that a gorilla has been masquerading as a dead president, much better than a smirking chimp bastard for a live one.

If you stay, you can have my mother. Not really sure where she is, but I'll find her and dust her off for you.

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8th pres in da house is one of the most enjoyable blogs out there. the concept is better than that of any other blog. don't stop rockin'.

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Blogger Isabella said...

I still thought you were Peabs.

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Blogger Kerry said...

best post anyone has written about the someblogs thing anywhere. leave it to gorilla...

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Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

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And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

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Strange day or what? :-)

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